Group Therapy

I should be studying instead of blogging. The books are looking at me but my ADD doesn't want to concentrate on them!!



So, one of my big classes this year is Dynamic Group Counseling. It's major, because as I start out my counseling career in the Drug and Alcohol field, I will use group therapy quite a bit. I won't lie...I was a little afraid of this class. It intimidated me. I have never experienced group therapy as a patient (suprising I know) let alone ever led a group. My first week of class was interesting. I have run late every day because of the wonderful parking situation at GCC. With Reid's preschool schedule, I can't get there any earlier to at least start walking my 2 mile hike to class any earlier. I felt like everyone in class had either been in group or led a group before so I felt a little behind. My second day of class, I tried to be smart and park in the "dirt". Uh...the dirt was mud and our 4-wheel drive is out so guess who got stuck? Not only stuck, but stuck enough to have to get the maintenance guys to get a backhoe!

So obviously, my start off to the semester was definitely with a bang I guess you could say. Then something happened yesterday. We started actual group therapy. We have to learn all the theories and practice them in a group setting. Each of us has a turn in leading, in which we get the majority of our grade from. Tuesdays, our professor demonstrates that theory and Thursday, the student that picked that particular theory leads. Let's just say I have never had a class where I both cried AND got peed on. It's amazing how many abuse survivors choose counseling as a career. Paying it forward. So, yeah, I'm not quite as alone in my endeavor as I thought. This semester will be a venture of sorts. I am thinking by the time it's over, our class will not want to part. I already love my professor. I'm already empathetic with my classmates. Am I ready to lead the group? Well, I'm a little closer than I was a few days ago. Luckily, I have until March 11th!! Oh and the peed on part...well...our class is raising a baby it seems and I've been waiting on the chance to hold him. He is 4 months old. His grandmother is a student but she doesn't look like a grandmother. She is younger than my mother. Anyways, I knew he was wet when I picked him up. I didn't care. I have a feeling it won't be the last time.

I guess I better study. You know I'm going to leave with lyrics obviously. I'm thinking between two songs in my head as I write. I'll go with the shorter one. I have come to absolutely love a band called The Almost. Aaron Gillespie writes with such raw honesty. I love it. Maybe I will open MY group session with some lyrics. What do you think?


-Dirty and Left Out-
Hello, I swear I won't be too long
Hello, I promise I'll be real strong
Wait up, I just wanna tell you
Hold up, why are you still here?

I've been dirtier than you wanna know
I've left earlier than you'll ever know
Why do, you wanna be all listenin' to me
Why do, you spread your arms and tell me I'm free
Why do, you wanna be in my life
In my life

I've been dirtier than you wanna know
I've left earlier than you'll ever know

Jesus, Jesus, Jesus
There's something about your name
Master, saviour, Jesus

I've been dirtier than you wanna know
I've left earlier than you'll ever know
Jesus,Jesus

Music!

Well, crazy me went to a concert last Friday with my favorite concert partner, Cheyenne. (my niece) I am looking at some permanent hearing and nerve damage to my left ear after my last concert, when I was right next to the amps and since then can hear nothing but static. I go to the doctor in two weeks to find out the results of my MRI. Will it keep me from going to concerts? Not at all. That would be like taking a part of me away. Music is my life and especially Christian rock. Finally, after all these years, we have great lyrics, guitar riffs and music to appeal to even the hardest of rockers that didn't think it was possible to have both a great Christian message AND great rock. It's what I do. It's who I am. It's part of what I'm called to do with working with teens and adolescents in the future and now. I've had people tell me I'm too old. I spend too much time into my music. I go to too many concerts. You name it, I've heard it. Try telling that to my niece, who I take to every Christian rock concert that comes within a 50 mile radius. That's also part of what Bart and I love to do together. A passion we share.

To put everyone's mind at ease, last Friday, I did at least wear an ear plug in my bad ear and was still able to achieve the perfect concert experience other than getting elbowed in the face and hitting my niece in the jaw while jumping around like fools in the mosh pit. Here are some lyrics from a band called Children 18:3 and I think of them quite often when people try to put down my love of music and concerts. I have also posted a couple of pics from the concert last week. It was The Wedding, Pillar and RED. Great music, great guys, great messages. Rock on!

It's alright it's a stereotype

And I don't mind if you use it

It's alright you can say what you like

Just don't mock the music! ~Children 18:3

Light and Heavy

It's been a long weekend. I know it's a saying we all use, but seriously, it's Sunday evening and I feel like the last two days have felt more like ten. A few days ago, my baby turned 10. I laid in bed Saturday morning just thinking about the last decade. Where did it go? Have I been doing enough? Am I preparing him for what he will be faced with the next few years and for the rest of his life? This last year has been a year of milestones for Ross. He has had his first experience with church camp, accepted Christ not long after that and was baptized as well. Ross is my tender hearted, loving, giving, considerate and sensitive child. Unfotunately, he sometimes wears his feelings on his sleeves and I feel the need to protect him at times when I probably need to let him deal with harsh winds. There is nothing to me more beautiful than a son's love and relationship with his mother. It is unique and a relationship that paves the way for future relationships with others and especially eventually a wife and how he will treat her. I take this very seriously when it comes to my boys and how they will grow in their relationship with God and their relationship with me. Of course Bart has a role in there somewhere. (ha ha!)

So this weekend, Ross wanted his best friend to spend the weekend and also requested to be by themselves with no siblings! So Reid and Reese had plans elsewhere and Ross and his friend played video games and did boy stuff and laughed and did disgusting things and well, you get the jist of it. I was also alone all weekend due to Bart's schedule so I wanted to spend some time with my niece so I begged her to come over Saturday!

It wouldn't take much reading of some of my blogs to know how close I am with my niece so I try to pencil myself into her busy schedule when I can. I love our talks and feeling like I can contribute to her life. This weekend brought both that opportunity as well as the opportunity to just be quiet. Yesterday afternoon, I "helped" her break up with a boyfriend she felt was more of a friendship. (Oh how I remember those days..) She had pretty much made herself sick over it for the fear of hurting someone's feelings. I sat in the car with her and listened and she tried to explain to a 14 yr old boy why she felt the didn't need to be "going out" anymore. After she hung up, we sat there in the quiet as she replayed the situation and waiting for the relief to come of finally having done what she felt needed to be done. I could tell immediately that she wasn't sure of herself. They had been good friends as well. This was the first boyfriend she has really had that treated her as a 14 yr old should, he was shy and quiet and not pressuring at all, which she has dealt with already unfortunately. We rode together by ourselves to the video game store while the boys rode with my sister. She was at a loss on what happened next. Had she just done the wrong thing, would they still be friends...how did it work? Oh how I wish I knew the answers to all the questions that she had. I mean, I'm supposed to be a future counselor right? I talked to her of my own teenage experiences which were much similar. I always hated the break up period. Even when I didn't like someone, I never wanted to hurt anyone's feelings.

The evening progressed and her mood only worsened as she thought of what she had done and any pain she might've caused. As trivial and young as it sounds, I felt for her as I realized just how much we are alike. On our way back to the house, I could see the tears just streaming down her face. The boys were in the back messing around and horseplaying so I tried to divert any attention that might've come her way. I could tell her tears were quickly turning to uncontrollable sobs. I wanted to stroke her hair and tell her it would be okay. They would be friends again before she knew it. I also remember at that age that you don't really understand the dynamics of how that works. It's all about here and now. So, instead, I turn up my rock music to allow her to cry as loud as she needed until it was out. My heart breaking as I listened. For once, even I was at a loss for words.

We got to the house and I told the boys to go ahead. I prayed for the words to help her understand what she was feeling but they never came. So, when we got inside, I pulled her to me and wrapped my arms around her and didn't say a word. Just let her cry. I wanted to carry the weight of the situation for her. I love her that much.

She went to the restroom and I thought, hmmm...heartbreak+teenagers=CHOCOLATE!! I begin to whip up some brownies and I went to my room to grab some sweats to enable me to eat chocolate! When I got there I hear the loudest and worst sobs coming from my bathroom. I tiptoed out so she doesn't know I heard. I had to take my plan to the next level. Funny movie!! I popped in House Bunny, crab the snacks and our Starbucks and finally got her to laugh! At the end we curled up in bed and I watched over her for a while thinking about how devestating life seems at that age. I'm glad I can be a part of her life and I'm glad that sometimes I know the words to say and I'm also glad that I know when to be quiet. Just like God wants us to be still and listen to Him, I feel like there are times when we need to be quiet for others as well.

I was so tired this morning, I overslept for church. I wanted her to sleep so she would feel better as well. It will come as no suprise that tonight, the young couple are back together as of this evening. I'm so glad I don't have to relive my teenage years. Whew!

Tonsillectomy Chronicles Day 15

I skipped alot of days I know. Christmas and the holidays kept me busy. Not busy enough to take my mind off the nagging pain in the back of my throat but good enough. It's definitely been better than the first week of ice picking and throat stabbing pain. It all seems to go in stages. The throat feels better but the ears hurt. The ears will feel a little better but the head hurts and well, you get the point. I felt decent around Christmas like I said and was able to eat quite a bit. I'm still eating almost normal but with caution. I think I got too excited with eating and over did it so I backed away from the Indian Tacos after the first one! I have finally made it to the day of my follow up appointment. (I thought it would never come!) It's tomorrow morning and guess what?? I have snow piling up all around me! It figures. I'm just curious about how I'm doing and if it is, in fact, okay to eat normally now. That aside, the weather is amazing...as long as I stay inside! The cold air pierces through my ears and straight to my throat! Yuck!

Two weeks later and I will say that looking back it probably was the worst surgery recovery I have ever had to deal with. I can at least sleep all night now without the excrutiating pain. It hurts when I wake up but nothing like before. According to others, I've done very well comparitively so definitely thankful for prayers, research on the internet and of course, my husband for taking care of me while I was down all the while playing "mom" to the kids. Now on to my house. I am starting to see a path at least from my room to the kitchen. Mom and I have shoveled trash from kids' rooms only to have them pile back up with new toys. So, my PRE-New Year's Resolution will be to get this place back to normal...whatever that is. I hear it takes a few months to feel normal again but I can handle what I feel now especially once I can breathe! Never knew how much your sinuses were intertwined in all of this either!

One thing I absolutely can't give up is my game shows. Deal or No Deal is on now. Howie is calling my name!

Merry Christmas!

We finally went to have some pictures done for my mom this past week for Christmas. It is just me and my sister and we are both done having children so my mom has been wanting pictures of all of us. I also wanted some with my sister as well. Now I'm just hoping she won't read my blog before Friday!

I left off the big one of both of our families combined in case she does take a look. I won't put it past her!

Same song different verse...Day 8

I keep waiting to wake up one morning and be pain free and just wowed! Apparently that's how it happens. Not today. Not for me at least. Good news is that by the afternoon I'm doing ok or at least functioning! Mom is gracious enough to come over tonight to help me clean my house while my mother in law has the kids for the day and night since Bart's at work. I didn't get to really do much with my mom to celebrate her birthday so it's too bad we can't have dinner together. Unless we went to a place like Souper Jell-O. I woke up in so much pain this morning and it was just killing me to get the kids fed and wait on Bart's mom! Then it got better as I started drinking water. I'm hoping that part is better by Thursday because that is our Christmas with the kids and with Bart's family so I really don't want to be sickly and lying around or holding my ears for dear life as the kids open their presents. Try to turn agonized face into excited. I can really see that!

Seriously, I am about to wrap some presents and try to do something productive. Not to worry, I don't want to overdue anything. Oh and I actually ate mac and cheese for lunch!! How exciting!!

One last thought...if anyone has NOT seen Julie and Julia, it's a great movie. It's inspiring me to take on some kind of blog accomplishment. I don't like to cook though. Bake..yes. Maybe it will be Mandie and Betty.

Tonsillectomy Chronicles Days 6&7

Yesterday was sooo not good. This recovery is like a rollercoaster. You never know how you are going to feel one day to the next. I was going to go to a family Christmas with Bart and the kids last night but as I was going to my mom's to get ready, I started feeling blah and Reese was sick so we stayed with Mom. Mom made some homeade potato soup, which I usually LOVE, but anything with salt in it burns my mouth these days like Dante's Inferno. My whole mouth will start hurting and then I can't get anything down. So frustrated! The first couple of days, I was drinking water and eating popsicles and now I can't even drink water! My afternoons and evenings are the best but my nights are still, well, nightmarish!! Christmas is now only a few days away. Bart goes back to work tomorrow. Luckily the kids will be with my mother in law tomorrow for most of the day. I still have to finish shopping and wrapping! I keep telling myself the good thing is, I did this in between semesters and before insurance change. I will make it through the holidays. I will. Er..I'm sure I will. Surely.

So I'm still able to get you caught up on game shows. I know the complete schedule now! I also know all the celeb gossip thanks to the E! channel being right below the Game Show Network. One word of advice to the folks at E!. You can't beat a dead horse. Tiger Woods being said horse.

I have also become addicted to reading other posts about recovering from tonsillectomies etc. Seems I still have a ways to go. And WOW! I must not have it to bad. No trips back to the ER etc. No bleeds. (hope I'm not jinxing myself) I am afraid of dehydration at this point since I haven't been able to drink as much but I am trying to at least get jell-o down since it just glides on down the throat and it is considered fluid! Whoop!

I missed getting to have Happy Birthday Jesus with our class on Sunday. Thinking I may still do a late party. I feel like I'm having to miss out on alot of the Christmas festivities anyways. I'm hoping to take the kids to the lights maybe Wednesday since that is our Christmas Eve. Santa is coming a day early since daddy works on Christmas Day and all. I've already booked a room at the Nana Inn for Christmas night for all of us! =) We will be eating dinner and doing Christmas over there with her and my sister anyways so it will be nice to just curl up and go to bed and have her help. She has also been a lifesaver coming over to help clean up around my house. It's been quite awful.

Well, Lingo is on and its time for me to try and D-R-I-N-K and rest some more.
Thanks for the prayers and please continue to pray for my "turnaround" to be soon! Like today or tomorrow!!