Light and Heavy

It's been a long weekend. I know it's a saying we all use, but seriously, it's Sunday evening and I feel like the last two days have felt more like ten. A few days ago, my baby turned 10. I laid in bed Saturday morning just thinking about the last decade. Where did it go? Have I been doing enough? Am I preparing him for what he will be faced with the next few years and for the rest of his life? This last year has been a year of milestones for Ross. He has had his first experience with church camp, accepted Christ not long after that and was baptized as well. Ross is my tender hearted, loving, giving, considerate and sensitive child. Unfotunately, he sometimes wears his feelings on his sleeves and I feel the need to protect him at times when I probably need to let him deal with harsh winds. There is nothing to me more beautiful than a son's love and relationship with his mother. It is unique and a relationship that paves the way for future relationships with others and especially eventually a wife and how he will treat her. I take this very seriously when it comes to my boys and how they will grow in their relationship with God and their relationship with me. Of course Bart has a role in there somewhere. (ha ha!)

So this weekend, Ross wanted his best friend to spend the weekend and also requested to be by themselves with no siblings! So Reid and Reese had plans elsewhere and Ross and his friend played video games and did boy stuff and laughed and did disgusting things and well, you get the jist of it. I was also alone all weekend due to Bart's schedule so I wanted to spend some time with my niece so I begged her to come over Saturday!

It wouldn't take much reading of some of my blogs to know how close I am with my niece so I try to pencil myself into her busy schedule when I can. I love our talks and feeling like I can contribute to her life. This weekend brought both that opportunity as well as the opportunity to just be quiet. Yesterday afternoon, I "helped" her break up with a boyfriend she felt was more of a friendship. (Oh how I remember those days..) She had pretty much made herself sick over it for the fear of hurting someone's feelings. I sat in the car with her and listened and she tried to explain to a 14 yr old boy why she felt the didn't need to be "going out" anymore. After she hung up, we sat there in the quiet as she replayed the situation and waiting for the relief to come of finally having done what she felt needed to be done. I could tell immediately that she wasn't sure of herself. They had been good friends as well. This was the first boyfriend she has really had that treated her as a 14 yr old should, he was shy and quiet and not pressuring at all, which she has dealt with already unfortunately. We rode together by ourselves to the video game store while the boys rode with my sister. She was at a loss on what happened next. Had she just done the wrong thing, would they still be friends...how did it work? Oh how I wish I knew the answers to all the questions that she had. I mean, I'm supposed to be a future counselor right? I talked to her of my own teenage experiences which were much similar. I always hated the break up period. Even when I didn't like someone, I never wanted to hurt anyone's feelings.

The evening progressed and her mood only worsened as she thought of what she had done and any pain she might've caused. As trivial and young as it sounds, I felt for her as I realized just how much we are alike. On our way back to the house, I could see the tears just streaming down her face. The boys were in the back messing around and horseplaying so I tried to divert any attention that might've come her way. I could tell her tears were quickly turning to uncontrollable sobs. I wanted to stroke her hair and tell her it would be okay. They would be friends again before she knew it. I also remember at that age that you don't really understand the dynamics of how that works. It's all about here and now. So, instead, I turn up my rock music to allow her to cry as loud as she needed until it was out. My heart breaking as I listened. For once, even I was at a loss for words.

We got to the house and I told the boys to go ahead. I prayed for the words to help her understand what she was feeling but they never came. So, when we got inside, I pulled her to me and wrapped my arms around her and didn't say a word. Just let her cry. I wanted to carry the weight of the situation for her. I love her that much.

She went to the restroom and I thought, hmmm...heartbreak+teenagers=CHOCOLATE!! I begin to whip up some brownies and I went to my room to grab some sweats to enable me to eat chocolate! When I got there I hear the loudest and worst sobs coming from my bathroom. I tiptoed out so she doesn't know I heard. I had to take my plan to the next level. Funny movie!! I popped in House Bunny, crab the snacks and our Starbucks and finally got her to laugh! At the end we curled up in bed and I watched over her for a while thinking about how devestating life seems at that age. I'm glad I can be a part of her life and I'm glad that sometimes I know the words to say and I'm also glad that I know when to be quiet. Just like God wants us to be still and listen to Him, I feel like there are times when we need to be quiet for others as well.

I was so tired this morning, I overslept for church. I wanted her to sleep so she would feel better as well. It will come as no suprise that tonight, the young couple are back together as of this evening. I'm so glad I don't have to relive my teenage years. Whew!