The Vest Nest

Some Pictures from Mimi's Diaper Bakery and Boutique

2010-12-30T10:11:00.004-06:00

Mimi's Diaper Bakery and Boutique - Contact Us

2010-12-04T15:05:00.000-06:00

Mimi's Diaper Bakery and Boutique - Contact Us

Where am I going to school??

2010-06-24T13:27:00.004-05:00

It has been crazy around here as we prepare to move and I look at where to continue my education. UT being my first choice just isn't in the cards for me or as I would put it, not God's will at this time. My second choice? TCU. Has anyone ever looked at how much the tuition is there??? Oh my! So, I am touring UNT tomorrow to check it out. I was a little hesitant because it wasn't really in my top 5, but I do know alot of people that have graduated there including loved ones so it is definitely growing on me. I am still seriously thinking of taking the Fall semester off for a break and to get the kids settled into a new school/neighborhood. We will see. Maybe a mini-mester. Anyways, I wanted to share an essay I wrote for one of the schools. I thought it was cool and I don't think that of my own writing most of the time. Let me know what you think! And..I'll let you know if I will be Mean Green or a Horned Frog. A Horned Frog with a heckuva lot of debt to pay back. Whew.

From the seat of an old tractor, the fields went on for miles. I would watch my daddy feel the dirt in his hands as if he could feel it breathe. From the back windshield of our old Monte Carlo, the roads went on forever. I would crawl up against the warm glass and fall asleep counting the stripes in the road. From the top of an oak tree, the ground looked hard and unforgiving but I lay on the branch to watch the clouds form into unobtainable mountains. The world seemed so big, yet I knew I could somehow touch it. I could run through the mile-long fields and eventually find there was a dirt road that served as a boundary. I could press my face against the window and wait patiently until I saw the old white house that was my home. I could climb down the tree and know the mountainous clouds would eventually fade into night. As a child, all of these things made themselves known to me but none served more definite than the fact that Texas encompassed them all and I knew then that I never wanted to leave. I am still that wide-eyed curious child. I seek adventure. I have a glass that’s half full. I see my goals within reach and they begin to take the form of a wide open Texas sky.

As a farmer’s daughter, I never had much in the way of material possessions. One thing that my daddy did give us was an educational drive. He pushed us beyond our limits with our school work. He encouraged us to drive forward and be something he never had the opportunity to be. A man that seemed genius to me gave it all up to work a farm for his parents, all the while watching his sisters go on to higher education. It has been years since he has passed on and I still find him somewhere deep within me encouraging me to do more. To be more. Sometimes, when I speak, it is not me talking to my own children, but the voice of my father telling them to push forward and drive. It’s time that I remind myself to do just that. It’s time to listen to that voice within me. It has been a quiet whisper as I set myself aside for my family. That whisper has become a roar these last few years. A roar to be heard throughout Texas. I will do more. I will be more. For my dad. For my kids. For me. I have the drive within me. The drive to go beyond the mundane into extraordinary measure.

I had put off the inevitable for years to take care of three very individual personalities and while doing so, lost sight of my drive. My drive found me at a conference for a non-profit organization reaching out to youth. While speaking to the founder, an epiphany came about. Here I was, so involved in everything I wanted to do, all the while not doing anything I needed in order to take it to the next level. So my journey began. Never in a million years would I have thought to take on a full course load with three children; but I did it. Not only did I do it, I did it with enthusiasm. I was in my element of both motherhood and student. It was as if I were made for both to coexist. With diapers in one hand and pencils in the other, I faced the challenge head on and have come out stronger because of it. As I look back at that same horizon on a field that is now a thousand homes, I can close my eyes and see my dad grinning at where I’ve been and where I’m going. I’m doing what I was made to do. Maybe not in the world’s view of the right timing, but in my own. Everyone thinks insanity has taken over me as I tote a book bag with my diaper bag. I just smile and watch my kids watching me. They watch me read. They watch me study. They see me learn. That, to me, is the greatest achievement of my life. Taking the drive that my father gave me and being able to see my children witness it and absorb it. I never want to stop the display. I never want to stop learning. I want to drive.

Just a Vessel

2010-05-06T17:05:00.004-05:00

For the last two weeks, I have been a part of a team going into the Dallas Juvenile Detention Center. What a blessing it has been! I'm a little bummed that I have to have surgery again next week so I will miss all the girls terribly. Here is something I wrote about my first week! More to come...

When I first felt the desire to work with young girls at the Juvenile Detention Center, I wasn't sure what to expect. I knew it would not be easy and I knew it would not be an immediate bond. Nevertheless, God has always put His will on my heart to work with young girls in difficult situations and I was both excited and nervous to see how it would unfold. Wednesday evening, April 28th, we entered Dallas Juvenile Detention Center for our first Girls' Circle meeting. We weren't sure how many girls to expect, let alone if they would be responsive at all to our lesson and activities. I felt I had realistic goals and expectations. I knew the girls wouldn't trust me. I really wasn't even expecting them to talk to me the first day. Boy was I surprised! What started out a little awkward, ended up being a warm beginning to what I hope to be a long relationship with fourteen very special girls. Fourteen girls lined up for a seat in the circle. Not all fourteen talked openly but they did share at least their names and things they were good at. This meant more to me than any of them will ever know. As the minutes passed, the girls became even more comfortable. I know that this is just a tiny look into what the weeks to come will be. I looked into some of their eyes and saw quite a bit of hurt. I spent time on my way home praising God for breakthrough as well as some tears shed for the hurt that brought them there. They can do so much more with their lives. They can be so much more. They ARE so much more. They dream of friendships and family. Things that I have taken for granted. They dream of being loved. I can't wait to show them the love of a Father who sees passed the guilt and shame and sees them for all that they really are. I can't wait to see what God has in store for these fourteen girls He has placed in my path. I can't wait to see how He will use me for their benefit as well as His glory. I am so grateful for the opportunity. ~Ecclesiastes 4:12~

Easter!

2010-04-03T23:03:00.003-05:00

What a crazy week this has been! I received cast number 2 ON my birthday on Tuesday. Had an MRI on Wednesday to see what's taking my foot so long to heal and found out on Friday that I have to have surgery next week!! One wrong step on a volleyball court cost me a ruptured ligament, a dislocated joint and a fracture! Whew! So next Wednesday, I will go in to have screws put in my foot. I secretly admit I always did want to baffle the officers at the metal detectors. I will start ministering at the Dallas Juvenile Detention Center this month so here's my chance! I am just not looking forward to having my foot up for several more weeks, several more casts, lots more pain and back into the OR to have the screws removed after all of that! I guess I better just start accepting a chaotic house for a while. Thank God for mothers!

Even though I still can't get around well, I did want to make sure the kids decorated their eggs to take to Nanny Vest's tomorrow to hunt. I was gathering things for my Sunday School lesson anyways and making cookies so I tried to knock it all out so I only had to be "up" once. I am in awe at what my kids listen to and think about. I love to listen in on their conversations when they aren't fighting and especially when they think noone is around. I always loved Easter growing up. Well, once my step-dad came into the picture anyways. I love the spirit of Christmas, but Easter I loved even more. The spring colors, the dresses, the warm weather and the grace and mercy that surpasses all. When my dad would preach about the crucifixion and resurrection it would bring tears to your eyes. He had his doctorate in Theology and was always ALWAYS studying. Before beginning his sermon he would always say he doesn't like to sugar coat the crucifixion. He felt that often it wasn't portrayed how it really was and that even he could never come close to describing the inhumane torture that happened to our savior that day. But, nevertheless, he would tell it so distinctly that you felt you were there. You grieved as he described the skin hanging from His body having been beaten so badly, and you rejoiced as you listened to the part of the stone being rolled away. I'm thinking of him and the story tonight as I try not to get down about my foot. I bet he would say, "It may seem like Friday night, but Sunday's on the way." I miss him terribly this Easter season.

Sometimes I don't know how much my kids actually listen and when I was filling their egg color cups up with vinegar tonight, Reese commented on how yucky it smelled. Ross told her, "you know, they gave vinegar to Jesus when He was on the cross." I smiled as I kept pouring and Ross continued to tell her the story. It doesn't matter how many times I tell it, they seem to listen more intently when it's Ross telling it. I don't care who tells it, as long as it gets told. The birth of Jesus is a beautiful season but the death and resurrection of Him is worth so much rejoicing! I am saddened that it is not praised as much as Christmas as I think about it tonight. I hope all my blogger friends have a beautiful Easter Sunday with your families. I am missing the family that is already gone but also rejoicing with the ones I still have here to hold!

Things NOT to do while in a cast

2010-03-22T16:36:00.003-05:00

Over the last few weeks, I have learned what can and cannot be done in a cast. So, if you ever find yourself in a cast, here are a few things NOT to do.

Don't insist on going down a long flight of stairs. You will fall. You just will. It's Newton's law.

Don't try to care for three kids and a house on your own. Just accept that it will become a dump before you are recovered.

Don't take showers. Just live in filth until the blessed day comes for cast removal.

Don't think that your arms can automatically handle three weeks of crutches. You will plead for mercy at the end of day one.

Do not, I repeat, DO NOT attempt the zoo. You're poor petite friend will be left with the job of pushing you UP hill in a wheelchair.

Don't get excited about the motorized carts at Wal-Mart. They will start to get old when you are stuck like Austin Powers.

Don't try to mow the grass. You will inevitably run out of gas and be stranded waiting for someone to bring you your glorious knee scooter.

Don't try to dress up. Nothing you can do will glamorize fiberglass.

Don't bother planning a Sunday School lesson, because all the kids will be too fascinated by the cast and apparently in awe that you hurt yourself.

And finally the number one thing to NOT do while casted:

Refuse to ask for help!! Thanks to Bart and Mom for trying to make my life somewhat easier the last few weeks!

Forged

2010-03-16T22:48:00.003-05:00

What a year this has been for me and my family. I have alot on my mind tonight and am a little pensive as I lay in bed. The Biggest Loser on TV and Reid asleep by my side. I watch him sleeping and wonder what lies ahead for my kids. What kind of mother I have been and how handling what comes my way reflects on that. I have been through a lot in my lifetime. I don't like to bring it up much because things are easily used as a crutch. I feel I am better than that and refuse to let things define who I am. But I am also learning that you can't escape some of those definitions. I also know that you can take those same harmful past experiences and grow from them. This year has been a forging of sorts. A spiritual roller coaster. Emotions ranging from pain to anger. Back to pain and feeling you've beaten the odds. Then some things tend to happen and you begin to feel like you will never make it to the top to see the horizon before you. Honestly, I've been quite angry with God this year. How healing it is to finally say that. Maybe I should've said it sooner. I've told many people that I think God wants to hear us say this. He knows our hearts anyways. Anger is a passionate emotion. It also means we care.

Tonight I feel beat down and I ask for prayers. I want to be close to God and I want to know that when bad things happen, He longs to comfort us. This forging is more than I can bear sometimes. The only drive I have is knowing I have to keep moving forward through it for my family. I can't give up. I can't let the bad win. I just have to ask, how much can one person be expected to bear? I feel the weight so heavy on my shoulders. I just want to set it down. I led a group therapy this week for class. It was on self-forgiveness. I used Max Lucado's book "Traveling Light" as an example. Carrying the burdens we were never meant to bear. The burden of shame and guilt. Fear and hurt.

Tomorrow is St. Patrick's Day. Some know the difficulty it brings but many don't. God knows and I just ask that He shows his presence for me tomorrow and as an anniversary grows near. I'm not sure how much more I can carry. I have to have faith that He will never give me more than I can bear. I know that I will not get burned in the forging process, but rather shaped and molded.

Here's my song for the week. The Almost again. I find healing in music. I find strength in the lyrics. It's called No I Don't.

I'm looking for some stable ground/ Some kinda place to lay it down/ And settle for a while/ I'm sick of looking for a star/ I won't show anyone my scars/ Can you help me out?/ I wanna see a change in me

When it's time for another round/ I get in then, I bow out/ I'm kinda freaky that way/ I used to stand as tall as I could/ I used to be better than good/ I guess I've made my bed/ I wanna see a change in me

No, I don't listen when they tell me/ They think I won't Come back around/ Find my way out/ It's none of their business! It's none of their business!

I've got another song in me/ Because of you, I'm changing/ I'm learning how to wait/ Ugly as I could've been/ Down and out and all broken/ You never made me wait/ You saw me/ You didn't see my shame/ I'm free because you said so/ And I'm learning to grow/ Because you held my hand/ I'm free because you said/ Go, keep walking

Overnight Transformation

2010-03-07T12:25:00.005-06:00

I'm going to skip the Debbie Downer blog for later because it was a long day to experience again. Basically, car breaks down, miss class and landed in the Urgent Care center for a broken foot. On to better things.

What happened to my eldest child this week? Just a few weeks ago, I was talking to some moms about Ross not having any interest in girls yet. He could've cared less. He was more worried about Halo and sports and inventions. Then, she showed up one day in conversation. A little girl that Ross has been in class with since Kindegarten. Ross made a comment in passing that she might like him. I said, "oh...do you like her??" He shrugged his shoulders and went on. I knew the day was coming. And I guess I hoped she would be a first girlfriend for him. Cutest thing ever. Best girl athlete we have. Super smart. Perfect, right? Yeah, in about 5 more years!! A couple of days later it happened. "Mom, can you ask Bridget's mom if she can go to the movies with me/us this weekend?" Ok. OK. I can handle this. I really can. Luckily, I know her mom. That helps. We email back and forth laughing about the situation. Ha ha. HA. She comes and watches Ross play basketball Friday night AND Saturday morning. They go to Dairy Queen Friday night. Insisting they sit by themselves. My mind is a whirlwind. I can't keep up with it. My baby. MY baby. I was glad that her mom decided to go to the movies as well and we brought the younger siblings sans Reid. No way would I go there. Ross and Bridget sit alone while we sit close by. He was so handsome. So courteous. I watched them thinking both have grown up so fast. I remember them playing t-ball together....then kindergarten. Now between kids and teens, unsure of where they fit in. He is already texting her today. I think I lost my place. It is a bittersweet sting. I guess it's inevitable. I remember 4th grade all to well. The boys that liked me were jerks. Well, other than Bart, but then again, he was too shy to tell me. Glad he grew out of that!! I'm glad Ross already has good taste at his young age. And I know there will be many others. It was just like an overnight transformation. One day it was Halo and the next it was deodorant and Axe. Enjoy your childhood my love. I won't let you out of it that easily. What kind of mom would I be?

March Madness

2010-03-01T22:17:00.006-06:00

I just realized today is the first of March. Well, I guess I didn't literally realize it. I knew it was coming but forgot that it started TODAY! I will be glad when it's over. I know. 30 more days to go, right? Okay, here we go since I've been in a list making mood lately. Top Ten reasons I will be glad when March comes to an end: (drumroll please)

10. One month closer to the end of this stressful semester!
9. My baby will be celebrating his 4th birthday on April 5th!!
8. I, however, turn 34 during the month of March. Bleh.
7. April marks the official beginning of baseball!! I heart Josh Hamilton if you didn't know.
6. SPRING!!
5. Which means we are closer to SUMMER!!
4. Garden planting.
3. Shorts wearing.
2. I will have my biggest assignment behind me!

And the number one reason why March should hurry? Well, that blog will be later this week but I buried my dad 20 years ago this week. Time sure has flown by but that gentle reminder is always there.

So, March, there you have it. I know I can't skip you every year and I'm definitely not one to wish for time to "hurry". It's just that twenty years is a long time. A big number. I would rather move past it and enjoy the spring as soon as possible.

Oh and Ross and I went to our first dance! Professional pictures coming soon! If I had a picture of my dad on my laptop, it would look like Ross. :)

Saturday Smiles

2010-02-20T22:41:00.005-06:00

Things that made me smile today:

Noticing more freckles on Reid's nose.

Giving my sister a heart attack by making her believe I had my niece's lip pierced. (Totally priceless!!)

Having a "play off" on Guitar Hero at Main Event. (Okay...so several)

Singing lyrics with Cheyenne at the top of our lungs while simultaneously playing air drums. (Anberlin of course)

Reese falling asleep before my hair was completely white.

Knowing that tomorrow is Sunday and my sweetie will actually be home to have a good family church day.

Things I LOVE!

2010-02-18T22:47:00.005-06:00

Fabric Softener
Clean Sheets
Coffee
Macaroni and Cheese with Ketchup
Mowing Grass
Camping
To Write Love on Her Arms
The Smell of Textbooks
Watching Ross get into a New Book
MUSIC!!
Grace
When the House is Quiet such as Now!
To Watch Reid sleep....knowing the baby Look is Quickly fading.
The Golden Girls
The Smoky Mountains
Musicals
Hearing Reese Giggle
Coaching
Learning
Bart.....since we were 8 yrs old
My Savior, my Love, my Jesus.

Another great season!

2010-02-08T11:54:00.003-06:00

Another basketball season comes to an end. My Tigers got 2nd place again and I'm very proud of all the boys. I am looking forward to a week or two of some kind of a break, whatever that is! We also had all of the boys over for a sleep over Saturday night plus a couple extra to celebrate a belated birthday for Ross. Pictures coming soon. Note to self: Do not have 12 boys over to spend the night again. Ever. I am still exhausted.

So for now, I'm a little sad to say goodbye to basketball. These are great boys, even if they were up until 7am and trashed the house like a frat party! I've enjoyed having the privilege of coaching them another year.

Group Therapy

2010-01-27T08:46:00.004-06:00

I should be studying instead of blogging. The books are looking at me but my ADD doesn't want to concentrate on them!!

So, one of my big classes this year is Dynamic Group Counseling. It's major, because as I start out my counseling career in the Drug and Alcohol field, I will use group therapy quite a bit. I won't lie...I was a little afraid of this class. It intimidated me. I have never experienced group therapy as a patient (suprising I know) let alone ever led a group. My first week of class was interesting. I have run late every day because of the wonderful parking situation at GCC. With Reid's preschool schedule, I can't get there any earlier to at least start walking my 2 mile hike to class any earlier. I felt like everyone in class had either been in group or led a group before so I felt a little behind. My second day of class, I tried to be smart and park in the "dirt". Uh...the dirt was mud and our 4-wheel drive is out so guess who got stuck? Not only stuck, but stuck enough to have to get the maintenance guys to get a backhoe!

So obviously, my start off to the semester was definitely with a bang I guess you could say. Then something happened yesterday. We started actual group therapy. We have to learn all the theories and practice them in a group setting. Each of us has a turn in leading, in which we get the majority of our grade from. Tuesdays, our professor demonstrates that theory and Thursday, the student that picked that particular theory leads. Let's just say I have never had a class where I both cried AND got peed on. It's amazing how many abuse survivors choose counseling as a career. Paying it forward. So, yeah, I'm not quite as alone in my endeavor as I thought. This semester will be a venture of sorts. I am thinking by the time it's over, our class will not want to part. I already love my professor. I'm already empathetic with my classmates. Am I ready to lead the group? Well, I'm a little closer than I was a few days ago. Luckily, I have until March 11th!! Oh and the peed on part...well...our class is raising a baby it seems and I've been waiting on the chance to hold him. He is 4 months old. His grandmother is a student but she doesn't look like a grandmother. She is younger than my mother. Anyways, I knew he was wet when I picked him up. I didn't care. I have a feeling it won't be the last time.

I guess I better study. You know I'm going to leave with lyrics obviously. I'm thinking between two songs in my head as I write. I'll go with the shorter one. I have come to absolutely love a band called The Almost. Aaron Gillespie writes with such raw honesty. I love it. Maybe I will open MY group session with some lyrics. What do you think?

-Dirty and Left Out-
Hello, I swear I won't be too long
Hello, I promise I'll be real strong
Wait up, I just wanna tell you
Hold up, why are you still here?

I've been dirtier than you wanna know
I've left earlier than you'll ever know
Why do, you wanna be all listenin' to me
Why do, you spread your arms and tell me I'm free
Why do, you wanna be in my life
In my life

I've been dirtier than you wanna know
I've left earlier than you'll ever know

Jesus, Jesus, Jesus
There's something about your name
Master, saviour, Jesus

I've been dirtier than you wanna know
I've left earlier than you'll ever know
Jesus,Jesus

Music!

2010-01-21T13:56:00.005-06:00

Well, crazy me went to a concert last Friday with my favorite concert partner, Cheyenne. (my niece) I am looking at some permanent hearing and nerve damage to my left ear after my last concert, when I was right next to the amps and since then can hear nothing but static. I go to the doctor in two weeks to find out the results of my MRI. Will it keep me from going to concerts? Not at all. That would be like taking a part of me away. Music is my life and especially Christian rock. Finally, after all these years, we have great lyrics, guitar riffs and music to appeal to even the hardest of rockers that didn't think it was possible to have both a great Christian message AND great rock. It's what I do. It's who I am. It's part of what I'm called to do with working with teens and adolescents in the future and now. I've had people tell me I'm too old. I spend too much time into my music. I go to too many concerts. You name it, I've heard it. Try telling that to my niece, who I take to every Christian rock concert that comes within a 50 mile radius. That's also part of what Bart and I love to do together. A passion we share.

To put everyone's mind at ease, last Friday, I did at least wear an ear plug in my bad ear and was still able to achieve the perfect concert experience other than getting elbowed in the face and hitting my niece in the jaw while jumping around like fools in the mosh pit. Here are some lyrics from a band called Children 18:3 and I think of them quite often when people try to put down my love of music and concerts. I have also posted a couple of pics from the concert last week. It was The Wedding, Pillar and RED. Great music, great guys, great messages. Rock on!

It's alright it's a stereotype

And I don't mind if you use it

It's alright you can say what you like

Just don't mock the music! ~Children 18:3

Light and Heavy

2010-01-10T23:13:00.004-06:00

It's been a long weekend. I know it's a saying we all use, but seriously, it's Sunday evening and I feel like the last two days have felt more like ten. A few days ago, my baby turned 10. I laid in bed Saturday morning just thinking about the last decade. Where did it go? Have I been doing enough? Am I preparing him for what he will be faced with the next few years and for the rest of his life? This last year has been a year of milestones for Ross. He has had his first experience with church camp, accepted Christ not long after that and was baptized as well. Ross is my tender hearted, loving, giving, considerate and sensitive child. Unfotunately, he sometimes wears his feelings on his sleeves and I feel the need to protect him at times when I probably need to let him deal with harsh winds. There is nothing to me more beautiful than a son's love and relationship with his mother. It is unique and a relationship that paves the way for future relationships with others and especially eventually a wife and how he will treat her. I take this very seriously when it comes to my boys and how they will grow in their relationship with God and their relationship with me. Of course Bart has a role in there somewhere. (ha ha!)

So this weekend, Ross wanted his best friend to spend the weekend and also requested to be by themselves with no siblings! So Reid and Reese had plans elsewhere and Ross and his friend played video games and did boy stuff and laughed and did disgusting things and well, you get the jist of it. I was also alone all weekend due to Bart's schedule so I wanted to spend some time with my niece so I begged her to come over Saturday!

It wouldn't take much reading of some of my blogs to know how close I am with my niece so I try to pencil myself into her busy schedule when I can. I love our talks and feeling like I can contribute to her life. This weekend brought both that opportunity as well as the opportunity to just be quiet. Yesterday afternoon, I "helped" her break up with a boyfriend she felt was more of a friendship. (Oh how I remember those days..) She had pretty much made herself sick over it for the fear of hurting someone's feelings. I sat in the car with her and listened and she tried to explain to a 14 yr old boy why she felt the didn't need to be "going out" anymore. After she hung up, we sat there in the quiet as she replayed the situation and waiting for the relief to come of finally having done what she felt needed to be done. I could tell immediately that she wasn't sure of herself. They had been good friends as well. This was the first boyfriend she has really had that treated her as a 14 yr old should, he was shy and quiet and not pressuring at all, which she has dealt with already unfortunately. We rode together by ourselves to the video game store while the boys rode with my sister. She was at a loss on what happened next. Had she just done the wrong thing, would they still be friends...how did it work? Oh how I wish I knew the answers to all the questions that she had. I mean, I'm supposed to be a future counselor right? I talked to her of my own teenage experiences which were much similar. I always hated the break up period. Even when I didn't like someone, I never wanted to hurt anyone's feelings.

The evening progressed and her mood only worsened as she thought of what she had done and any pain she might've caused. As trivial and young as it sounds, I felt for her as I realized just how much we are alike. On our way back to the house, I could see the tears just streaming down her face. The boys were in the back messing around and horseplaying so I tried to divert any attention that might've come her way. I could tell her tears were quickly turning to uncontrollable sobs. I wanted to stroke her hair and tell her it would be okay. They would be friends again before she knew it. I also remember at that age that you don't really understand the dynamics of how that works. It's all about here and now. So, instead, I turn up my rock music to allow her to cry as loud as she needed until it was out. My heart breaking as I listened. For once, even I was at a loss for words.

We got to the house and I told the boys to go ahead. I prayed for the words to help her understand what she was feeling but they never came. So, when we got inside, I pulled her to me and wrapped my arms around her and didn't say a word. Just let her cry. I wanted to carry the weight of the situation for her. I love her that much.

She went to the restroom and I thought, hmmm...heartbreak+teenagers=CHOCOLATE!! I begin to whip up some brownies and I went to my room to grab some sweats to enable me to eat chocolate! When I got there I hear the loudest and worst sobs coming from my bathroom. I tiptoed out so she doesn't know I heard. I had to take my plan to the next level. Funny movie!! I popped in House Bunny, crab the snacks and our Starbucks and finally got her to laugh! At the end we curled up in bed and I watched over her for a while thinking about how devestating life seems at that age. I'm glad I can be a part of her life and I'm glad that sometimes I know the words to say and I'm also glad that I know when to be quiet. Just like God wants us to be still and listen to Him, I feel like there are times when we need to be quiet for others as well.

I was so tired this morning, I overslept for church. I wanted her to sleep so she would feel better as well. It will come as no suprise that tonight, the young couple are back together as of this evening. I'm so glad I don't have to relive my teenage years. Whew!

Tonsillectomy Chronicles Day 15

2009-12-29T18:24:00.002-06:00

I skipped alot of days I know. Christmas and the holidays kept me busy. Not busy enough to take my mind off the nagging pain in the back of my throat but good enough. It's definitely been better than the first week of ice picking and throat stabbing pain. It all seems to go in stages. The throat feels better but the ears hurt. The ears will feel a little better but the head hurts and well, you get the point. I felt decent around Christmas like I said and was able to eat quite a bit. I'm still eating almost normal but with caution. I think I got too excited with eating and over did it so I backed away from the Indian Tacos after the first one! I have finally made it to the day of my follow up appointment. (I thought it would never come!) It's tomorrow morning and guess what?? I have snow piling up all around me! It figures. I'm just curious about how I'm doing and if it is, in fact, okay to eat normally now. That aside, the weather is amazing...as long as I stay inside! The cold air pierces through my ears and straight to my throat! Yuck!

Two weeks later and I will say that looking back it probably was the worst surgery recovery I have ever had to deal with. I can at least sleep all night now without the excrutiating pain. It hurts when I wake up but nothing like before. According to others, I've done very well comparitively so definitely thankful for prayers, research on the internet and of course, my husband for taking care of me while I was down all the while playing "mom" to the kids. Now on to my house. I am starting to see a path at least from my room to the kitchen. Mom and I have shoveled trash from kids' rooms only to have them pile back up with new toys. So, my PRE-New Year's Resolution will be to get this place back to normal...whatever that is. I hear it takes a few months to feel normal again but I can handle what I feel now especially once I can breathe! Never knew how much your sinuses were intertwined in all of this either!

One thing I absolutely can't give up is my game shows. Deal or No Deal is on now. Howie is calling my name!

Deep Christmas thoughts by Mandie Vest

2009-12-25T22:10:00.006-06:00

The Christmas season has seemed to fly by for me at lightning speed. I rushed to get things done as much as I could in preparation for an upcoming surgery. A surgery that caused a much more extensive recovery than I was expecting. By the way, Christmas was a great day for pain and for nutrition! I ate two almost full meals of soft but a little more venturous foods! I was praying for Bart's Nanny's dressing and she came through for me so I had quite a bit of that.

Anyways, holidays are a tough time in general. I have had a hard time for years trying to really feel Christmas again. As a kid, we didn't have much at all. It's hard to explain to my kids that most of what we had under the tree were mainly hand me down or garage sale bargains or even things my mother made. I remember her making many of my barbie clothes as a kid. I remember very few new items. Three to be exact. One of the stawberry shorcake dolls-Apricot, an Atari 2600, which I think was really more for my dad and the gift that I wanted for so long-a Cabbage Patch Doll. I remember one year, my mom tried to make me one that looked as close to a real one as she could. To this day, I wish I still had that doll. As funny as it is, those things always mean more to us looking back. We never knew what to expect on Christmas. We never knew what kind of mood or temperament our father would be in. Yet, with all that considered, I still LOVED the spirit of Christmas. I STILL couldn't sleep the night before. I STILL got up at the crack of dawn to wake mama and daddy up to see what Santa had brought. We would use my dad's old tube socks for our stockings. (sooo 80's!!) We would wake up to those tube socks full of fruit and nuts and candy. I don't remember my mom ever getting anything for Christmas for herself. What little money there was, she spent it on trying to create some kind of Christmas for us.

My mom remarried my step-dad when I was 12. I was still torn between parents due to legalities and the fear that my father had put into my mother. I was finally able to be with my mother and my step-dad my 7th grade year of school. My first Christmas with my step-dad, Lewis, was approaching and we didn't know what to expect. He was such a loving, giving man. It was like he took us from one life and showed us a whole other side of life that we never knew or even attempted to think of. Every kid wants to buy something for their parents. I never had that opportunity. I love to give my kids money for the Santa Store at school because even though its simple, sometimes cheaply made items, the joy it gives them to buy a gift for their family is worth the $5 pen that says #1 Mom. I still have the ring Ross bought me his Kindegarten year and will always cherish it. I will wear it every now and then just to show him I still have it and hold it dear to me. Anyways, back to that first year with Lewis. We went Christmas shopping and I remember him giving me some money and telling me this was the 1st half of my shopping money to buy some things for my mom and my sister. My sister, having pretty much run away from home, was in Chicago at the time and I missed her terribly. I remember buying her one of those Garfields you stick on your window and it had some cutsie saying and I just knew that she would love it. The feeling overwhelmed me to finally get something for someone else. That's just a sliver of the Lewis I learned from for many years. Christmas with Lewis was like a Christmas song wrapped up and just busting at the seems. He WAS Christmas. The giving, the loving, the gentle nature. He became my best friend. That first Christmas, even though I was 12 years old, there was a Cabbage Patch Doll under the tree. Complete with long brown hair and glasses. I remember holding that doll like I was afraid it is was temporary and someone would take it away. He was always suprising my mother. He would wrap something so small and continue to wrap it in bigger boxes that it looked like some huge gift that she would end up opening 5 or 6 boxes to finally get to what was really there. Everything Lewis did had us rolling with laughter or touching our hearts.

My dad died when I was 13 and we lost Lewis just a few years ago when I was a few months pregnant with Reid.

I can't find my Christmas angel no matter how hard I try. So here another Christmas comes and goes and I'm lost. Trying to reinvent traditions and make new ones. Nothing has worked. So what does one do to fill a hole in your heart at a time of year when you should be rejoicing over the season and meaning of what Christmas brings. He changed our lives. I see him in myself all of the time. Bart says he blames him for spoiling me when I'm sick. He was a nurturer no doubt. He encouraged me as a teenager to get my tonsils out. So here I am. Recovering from a tonsillectomy 20 years later. So Merry Christmas, Lewis! My strep throat days are over. Maybe I held onto those tonsils remembering the nurturing love he gave when I was sick. Who knows?

So this year, when it was time to do Christmas at Mom's with my sister and her family, I decided to do a couple of things. I found the closest thing to tube socks that I could and filled them with oranges, apples, walnuts and the old Brach's candy you have to get by the pound. I didn't realize how hard it was to find whole walnuts. That was in rememberance of my real dad for all of those years of feeling like we had nothing when we really still had it all. Then I found some old pictures of my mom with Lewis and searched for a frame that said just the right thing. I found one that said something like, "A smile that lasts a moments makes memories that last a lifetime". I put all the pictures I had found of my mom and Lewis together on various ventures. All smiling of course. That was to remember our Lewis.

I hope everyone had a wonderful Christmas. Mine ended up pretty good if I do say so myself. I'm eating well and my throat's a little better. My cares are a little lighter and my love's a little stronger thanks to everyone who has left prints on my heart over the years.

Merry Christmas!

2009-12-23T00:33:00.004-06:00

We finally went to have some pictures done for my mom this past week for Christmas. It is just me and my sister and we are both done having children so my mom has been wanting pictures of all of us. I also wanted some with my sister as well. Now I'm just hoping she won't read my blog before Friday!

I left off the big one of both of our families combined in case she does take a look. I won't put it past her!

Same song different verse...Day 8

2009-12-22T15:16:00.003-06:00

I keep waiting to wake up one morning and be pain free and just wowed! Apparently that's how it happens. Not today. Not for me at least. Good news is that by the afternoon I'm doing ok or at least functioning! Mom is gracious enough to come over tonight to help me clean my house while my mother in law has the kids for the day and night since Bart's at work. I didn't get to really do much with my mom to celebrate her birthday so it's too bad we can't have dinner together. Unless we went to a place like Souper Jell-O. I woke up in so much pain this morning and it was just killing me to get the kids fed and wait on Bart's mom! Then it got better as I started drinking water. I'm hoping that part is better by Thursday because that is our Christmas with the kids and with Bart's family so I really don't want to be sickly and lying around or holding my ears for dear life as the kids open their presents. Try to turn agonized face into excited. I can really see that!

Seriously, I am about to wrap some presents and try to do something productive. Not to worry, I don't want to overdue anything. Oh and I actually ate mac and cheese for lunch!! How exciting!!

One last thought...if anyone has NOT seen Julie and Julia, it's a great movie. It's inspiring me to take on some kind of blog accomplishment. I don't like to cook though. Bake..yes. Maybe it will be Mandie and Betty.

Tonsillectomy Chronicles Days 6&7

2009-12-21T13:52:00.002-06:00

Yesterday was sooo not good. This recovery is like a rollercoaster. You never know how you are going to feel one day to the next. I was going to go to a family Christmas with Bart and the kids last night but as I was going to my mom's to get ready, I started feeling blah and Reese was sick so we stayed with Mom. Mom made some homeade potato soup, which I usually LOVE, but anything with salt in it burns my mouth these days like Dante's Inferno. My whole mouth will start hurting and then I can't get anything down. So frustrated! The first couple of days, I was drinking water and eating popsicles and now I can't even drink water! My afternoons and evenings are the best but my nights are still, well, nightmarish!! Christmas is now only a few days away. Bart goes back to work tomorrow. Luckily the kids will be with my mother in law tomorrow for most of the day. I still have to finish shopping and wrapping! I keep telling myself the good thing is, I did this in between semesters and before insurance change. I will make it through the holidays. I will. Er..I'm sure I will. Surely.

So I'm still able to get you caught up on game shows. I know the complete schedule now! I also know all the celeb gossip thanks to the E! channel being right below the Game Show Network. One word of advice to the folks at E!. You can't beat a dead horse. Tiger Woods being said horse.

I have also become addicted to reading other posts about recovering from tonsillectomies etc. Seems I still have a ways to go. And WOW! I must not have it to bad. No trips back to the ER etc. No bleeds. (hope I'm not jinxing myself) I am afraid of dehydration at this point since I haven't been able to drink as much but I am trying to at least get jell-o down since it just glides on down the throat and it is considered fluid! Whoop!

I missed getting to have Happy Birthday Jesus with our class on Sunday. Thinking I may still do a late party. I feel like I'm having to miss out on alot of the Christmas festivities anyways. I'm hoping to take the kids to the lights maybe Wednesday since that is our Christmas Eve. Santa is coming a day early since daddy works on Christmas Day and all. I've already booked a room at the Nana Inn for Christmas night for all of us! =) We will be eating dinner and doing Christmas over there with her and my sister anyways so it will be nice to just curl up and go to bed and have her help. She has also been a lifesaver coming over to help clean up around my house. It's been quite awful.

Well, Lingo is on and its time for me to try and D-R-I-N-K and rest some more.
Thanks for the prayers and please continue to pray for my "turnaround" to be soon! Like today or tomorrow!!

Tonsillectomy Chronicles Day 5

2009-12-19T18:24:00.002-06:00

Today is not much different from yesterday other than the fact that I attempted to go WATCH basketball. Ross had two games this morning and they were big games for our team. No, I didn't try to coach. I stayed home during the first game and Bart texted me the details and we lost so of course, I had to make an appearance in the second thinking they must've lost because Coach Mandie wasn't there. I must've been crazy!! Everyone wanted to talk to me and ask me where I've been and/or how my recovery was going. Then, I realized I couldn't yell during the game when I realized they weren't where they should be on the court etc. I started hurting, realizing I had been talking too much. My ears were killing me! So after the game, I went back to my bed! Tomorrow we have a big day planned with birthday parties and family Christmas parties so I'm hoping I feel up to it and didn't overdue it today. I am already giving up my Happy Birthday Jesus party at church with the kids in Sunday School since I can't talk and I rely on Bart too much!

I decided to come hang out on the couch to watch the Cowboys/Saints game tonight. Watching Bart eating left over enchiladas was a pain but what was worse than that was watching Reese throw up all over the floor. I sure hope she is not getting sick. I am sure it has NOTHING to do with the fact that she probably hasn't eaten a real meal since I've been down. I know she had a honey bun this morning and I'm pretty sure she has drank all the egg nog she can hold the last few days. The thought of regurgitated egg nog is making my stomach sick so this is all I have for day 5.

Note to self- Next time I have to have surgery (which I hope is years), make sure I plan out all the meals for the week(s) so that all Bart has to do is pop it in the oven or microwave.

Tonsillectomy Chronicles Day 4

2009-12-18T21:45:00.002-06:00

I know, I know..I'm starting out on day 4 instead of 1. If I would've had the energy to write during days 1-3, I most certainly would have! So far, recovering from an adult tonsillectomy is much like what I've read and also NOTHING what I expected. I have had so many strep throat experiences my whole life that I thought I could deal with the soreness and the inability to swallow comfortably. Holy cow! I was not expecting to feel like someone was stabbing my throat with a few sharp steak knives! On day 1, I did just as I had read and kept drinking the water and eating the jell-O. I felt I was doing well considering many of the blogs I have read showed that some couldn't even get the water down. I was good snuggled in my bed watching my game show network all day. That Carnie Wilson is a hoot on The Newlywed Game! Oh and I now know the names of every single Deal or No Deal model. I had read not to sleep too long and boy was that right. If you sleep longer than 5 minutes, you will regret it! You have to choke down some water on a throat that is as dry as the Mohave Desert and start over. You really don't think about the fact that your sinuses are all messed up too and you just can't breathe out of your nose. So, you are left to sleep with your mouth gaping open, drool coming out and all the while just drying up all the work you've done up until naptime. So, I figured that out. If I started to drift off, I would feel the pain set in and wake up pretty quick to down the water. That pretty much sums up my first two days. The dreaded day 3 came and everyone was right about it being bad. The ear pain sets in. Well, nobody said that day 3 was a set up for flippin' day 4!! I decided to go ahead and dope up and try to sleep through some of the ear pain. It was way too bad. Oh and note to self: don't eat anything salty. Bart made me some yummy thinned down mashed potatoes with chicken broth. Tasted really really good until the salt settled in to every single open wound I had in my mouth. Holy guacamole. One thing I've learned that I love is rice pudding!! Feels so good on my throat and is equally yummy. It seems to hurt worse when you eat but I know I need to keep eating to feel better so I try and push through that.

Day 4- Thankful for my husband for taking care of me these last few days as well as my kids. Get this- they have actually been relatively quiet! They come in to ask if I need anything and take away any jell-o or pudding containers etc. I sure hope I don't ruin Christmas by still being sickly! I've been worried about that.

Oh and Bart sent Reese to school in a princess play costume one day. I'm glad the teachers know I'm out of commission. I bet that was a good laugh.

One last thing for day 4- Thanks to my friends that have brought me goodies. I know I can't eat much so thanks for thinking about me and hooking me up. You know who you are!
I'm going to try to go to the game tomorrow. We have a double header. It's funny that I'm even typing that because I haven't even been able to make it to the kitchen and back to bed much so we'll keep our fingers crossed.

It's gone!

2009-10-23T12:38:00.001-05:00

And yes, the other one is already getting ready to come out!!! Thinking she will be minus two teeth before her 6th birthday!

Stay Tuned....

2009-10-17T17:56:00.000-05:00

A tooth is about to be lost.....

Be Still...

2009-10-08T23:25:00.002-05:00

I was lying here in bed, working on some homework for a class and unable to slow my worrying thoughts about all that we moms tend to think on. Bart is at work and Reid was having a hard time going to sleep so he laid down next to me and just needed to hold my arm. I was trying to type out my homework assignment on the stages of alcoholism while trying not to get irritated at his insistance of holding onto my arm. I finally gave in and quit typing so that he could "hold" me. Lost in my thoughts for just a few minutes, I look over and he is already sound asleep! He just needed to be still for just a minute. I looked at him sleeping so peacefully. Finally resting after a busy day of playing and making cookies and trips to the fire station. After a minute, I thought...how amazing it is when God uses something so small to get His point across. I stay up late every night reading, writing or when all else fails and I can't sleep, watching the Golden Girls. My mind is always wondering, going 90 to nothing over things I need to do, things Bart needs to do and of course things we NEED. I have heard a friend of mine seek prayer requests that she may "be still" and listen to God. Don't we all need that in our busy lives? I was reminded tonight while watching my Reid sleep peacefully, that when we stop and sit quietly for a few moments, we will rest. That's all Reid needed....to feel my hand on him and a few minutes of stillness. Maybe tonight, I will put off my homework and thoughts of tomorrow long enough to rest, knowing His hand is on me and I can hold it and rest peacefully knowing that He is there, just as He always has been and always will be.

Peaceful Sunday drive

2009-05-24T18:07:00.003-05:00

I got up this morning extra tired after a long day of soccer and baseball yesterday. We were all well over cooked needless to say. Bart worked yesterday and was on today as well, so while I was laying in bed, I told myself, "noone's gonna blame you if you don't go to church today." I laid there a while then got up knowing that not only would I blame myself, so would the kids! It is always so hectic when it is just me. Noone wants to cooperate or listen. Actually, I guess that's the way it goes in the Vest house regardless! I managed to get everyone dressed and fed and out the door. Only 10 minutes behind compared to the usual 20 or so! I marched them to the truck, handed out bibles, buckled seat belts and headed out. I was half way to McKinney when I realized it was unusually quiet for my bunch. Maybe they fell back asleep. They were so tired from yesterday. I turned around and this is what I got! (Don't worry, I was at a stop light!)

It's mornings like this when I know I'm doing something right. My cup runs over and my heart is smiling.

2 adults plus 15 teenage girls equals madness!

2009-05-13T22:49:00.004-05:00

A couple of weeks ago, I agreed to help my sister chaperone my niece's 13th birthday slumber party. What was I thinking?? When she first asked me, I thought, oh this will be alot of fun! Just a few of Cheyenne's friends and some time with my sister...what could be more fun?

Am I cool or What???

Well, first of all, it was around the same time as finals, so I was already more tired than usual. I say this because I am ALWAYS tired. Some say chronic fatigue syndrome, I say mom of three, full time student and married to a fireman with two jobs! Anyways, I show up to help set up the food and get ready for the girls. Then I find out that there are going to be 15 girls! I don't even know if I knew 15 girls close enough to invite over to my house for the night when I was that age! I'm still positive in my thoughts, thinking after they eat we will all settle down to watch Twilight. My fourth or fifth time. Their 3oth or so. Yeah, by the time the movie was over, I couldn't hear. All of the high pitched screaming over Jacob and Edward sent me immediately to the internet in search for hearing aids. Am I getting that old? I also found out that 15 different girls have 15 separate "favorite" parts of the movie. And each time one came on the screen, more screaming.

Finally, at 2:30am, I decide I really have to lay down. The girls are still in full swing of course. Ann and I figure we will lay down, take turns checking on them and watch some TV in the meantime. I found that it was much more effective to text Cheyenne then to go tell her to turn the music and/or TV down. So finally, at 6:30am, all girls were asleep. I was exhausted! I think we figured up that we got 3 hours of sleep all together!

I was tired but I definitely wouldn't have traded it! Cheyenne is getting to the age of needing someone to talk to and I'm glad I can be there for her. I'm basking in the aunt/niece relationship and am glad I can be that role model. I know that one day, Reese will look to her for the same thing so its important to set the example.
Look at how tired I look!

Also, notice that Cheyenne is wearing her To Write Love on Her Arms shirt I bought her in the pictures! I was able to talk to some of the girls about it and was suprised that many of them had actually heard of it. Two of them had shirts as well. I'm so excited that Cheyenne is strong enough to say no to cutting and self injury and instead promote love and hope. So I have finally recooperated from such a long night and finals. Oh and in case you're wondering, I did switch my major back to Psychology and counseling! I'm right where I need to be and never felt better.

Free Treasures, Yet Not so Free by Tammy Wisdon-Virgin

2009-04-26T20:47:00.003-05:00

This is something my cousin wrote and really touched me today so I wanted to share. I never knew there was someone else in the family that loved to write as much as me! Thanks for sharing Tammy!

Imagine unearthing a treasure so valuable that it takes your breath away or leaves you in awe wanting more. This is what I ran into today as I was clearing out one of the flower beds. I began to pull up weeds. I tugged on roots and found some black tarp that was used to combat weeds by the previous planter, however, underneath that tarp was good soil! I had to push my way thru layers of mulch, shingle pieces, and even a Capri Sun pouch to find the tarp but there it was. I thought, "well this is clever. I've done this before." Matter of fact, I was thinking about doing that again once I had prepped the beds but the treasure I was seeing before my eyes distracted me.As I sat right in the middle of the dirt, I noticed there were two kinds of roots that I was having to wrestle with. The first I'll call superficial, only grew as far down as the tarp. The other, deeply rooted and so hard to pull that I literally feel on my behind a few times. It wasn't going to win though; I was going to make sure of that. Anyone who knows me knows that I have a stubborn streak within me.Right in the middle of the bed I began to tackle the stubborn root that wouldn't budge. I dug away at the dirt and dug some more to get to the root. Now, this root was underneath this tarp. It didn't have a barrier so it was free to grow and seek out the necessary nutrients. In the middle of the flower bed, sitting on my backside, hands dirty, no filthy, with dirt and fertilizer and the true treasures began to be seen. It's not the treasure that you can sell or clean up and use a decorative ornament. These treasures are those you cherish and protect within your soul, within your heart. God began to speak to me through the dirt and work at hand. Remember, I had two kinds of roots I was dealing with but I also had the black tarp material.The black tarp. What's the purpose for it? Well, a practical use is to protect or create a barrier from unwanted elements. But it's also used to hide or cover up things we don't want exposed. Sometimes if you pull up a tarp you might see a cherished vintage car or you may see a rusted, decrepit piece of junk. Either way, that tarp is a cover up. For me, it was a cover up of good soil that flowers need. Instead of using it, whoever it was, covered that soil and created shallow beds that was barren, except for the weeds. Isn't that like each of us?We cover up our faces with masks and cover our lives with lies. We hide what we truly are. We're depressed but we say, "I'm fine." We appear happy and joyful but behind the scene we're falling apart at the seams. We build walls so that no one can penetrate the very depth of our souls. I'll decide who or what is allowed in my "turf" of life. We cover up the results of anger with make-up or long sleeves. We hide addictions by pretending there's nothing wrong. We overcompensate the bad within by doing works of "good" thinking no one will notice. God showed me that we cover up ourselves way too much that we've forgotten what it's like to be real, to be shown, and to be who He wants us to be. From the time of Adam and Eve, we've been covering ourselves from shame and guilt as if no one can see through the charade. He also showed me that those lil roots are our attempts to clean ourselves up. We make ourselves pretty because of the ugliness inside. Our attempts are feeble and won't take a good hard grasp because we don't have the foundation to grab hold too. For those of us that call ourselves Christians, we have a lot of growing to do but if we can't or won't take the time to pull out those "weeds" of life, they are going to choke out all that is good. We say we are free but live in chains. We say we love Christ and want to be like him but we don't want to read on how to do that. We want to know God more and more, we say, but yet we don't take time to talk to Him. It's time to be naked, figurately speaking, and say what we mean and mean what we say. Let's be real because it futile to hide. We usually end up exposed anyways!Those hard to pull roots, well those roots were deep in the soil. I worked on that for what seemed like an hour. I had to work my hands and fingers deep enough to reach underneath and pull. First, I had to break away all the lil bitty roots to get to the big ones. But once I did it came out and I won. Or did I?You see those deeply planted, growing roots represents the world. We've been engrained with worldly ways for so long that they've grown way deep into our minds and hearts. You can read in the Bible that the "bad" things in our lives needs to uprooted. You can't just cut the plant, tree, or weed at ground level. It will come back. We can cover them up hoping they won't sprout through but ya know what? They're still there underneath. The only way to truly get rid of something unwanted is by getting to the root of the problem and ridding yourself of it, just as I did with that one stubborn thing right in the middle of the bed.You see, even though I have the bulb and the main part of the root base, I didn't get it all. There was one left but I couldn't find it in the dirt. With my own hands it's impossible but if I had the right equipment I could probably do it. However, it would no longer be by my own power. I was reminded of Jesus' teaching of He being the Vine and we are merely the branch. Remove the branch from the vine and it can't produce fruit. Remove the plant from the root, well, it dies. So does every attempt we do in life to make ourselves better. We just simply can't do it on our own power. I say let's take off our masks, the phony perceptions we give and be real. Let's be real with ourselves and let His power be made in our weaknesses. It's futile to do so otherwise. I began to look at myself at that point of the day, the point of God's lesson/reminder as I was holding the root mass in my hands. What have I been covering up? Have I been deeply rooted or have been only allowing my roots to go so far?I'll be the first to say I've covered some things up. I've said I was fine when I really wasn't. I've tried to handle things on my own without going to the One who can do it for me, thru me. As I washed the dirt and grime off my hands and as it turned to clay-like substance I began to think of how God had fashioned me. I reflected on how each detail of my being was strategically and methodically thought out and prepared for me. Who am I to question and try to drive the car of my own life. I don't know the detours or the roads laid out before me but He does. I think I'll slide over into the passenger's seat and give him back the wheel. I may not understand the why's, how come's, and what for's that will/has come. But I do have a choice to trust in Him who has my best interests at heart. Just when I thought I had seen the good soil today I found another treasure. Underneath rocks, boards, and black tarps (oh how they liked those things) I found a small pond. Imagine covering up a water hole capable of sustaining life and even giving life as if it wasn't there. Hmm, don't we do that too? Turns out a simple task of clearing some flower beds turned into a treasure find. I didn't say a treasure hunt because, to be honest, I wasn't looking for any. It was simply a task. Jesus isn't a task but our source of life and in Him, well, he's the only covering I need and that's perfect. My little treasures just so happened wasn't free. Jesus paid for all my sins, shame, guilt, and even my inadequacies with his Blood. It cost Him everything but the good part is, He wouldn't have done it any other way.Take with it what you may but this was a good day. A good weekend. Not because of what I've done or how I've felt. It's because of my time with Him. There's no better feeling and there's no price that can be paid to ever buy it either. To me that's priceless.

This and that!

2009-04-20T23:44:00.007-05:00

Baseball is in full swing for Ross and Reese is kicking with soccer!

Just wanted to post a few random pictures since I've been so neglectful of my blog!

Heavy and Light

2009-04-19T23:09:00.003-05:00

I realized when I signed on tonight that I have not written a blog in over a month. Since then, I am a year older but not much wiser. My baby also gained a year. It has been a month of heavy hearts and light conversations. As we said hello to a new baby niece, we also said goodbye to a dear grandfather. A first of many for a nine year old. A first time to say goodbye and to experience a loss. A first for the mother that had to explain death and wipe away tears at a funeral. How do you explain life and death when all they know is laughter, ball games and the occasional fight with the siblings? To my suprise, Ross explained it perfectly to his brother and sister. This became apparent when at the graveside, Reid (a 3 yr old) blurts out "Gene Pop is NOT there...he's gone!" Yes, a 9 year old's explanation to his siblings was that it was just a body. Gene Pop's spirit is already gone to be with Jesus. I couldn't have said it better.

Tonight, I took my niece to hear Jamie Tworkowski, the founder of my favorite organization, To Write Love on Her Arms. An organization that started as a few friends reaching out to a girl that was hurting. What started out as a t-shirt has turned into a movement. A movement to encourage love and hope. As I sat there listening to him and the story behind the organization, I realized that I had no right to be sitting there as if I am actually doing what I am meant to do. All my life, I have done what everyone else thinks I should do. I have a passion within that fights to get out and I just bury it back down. There is always some excuse why I can't think of what I need to be doing. Busying myself with kids and classes, trying to convince myself otherwise. Afraid that I don't possess the right tools that helping others requires, but the desire within me to reach out is growing stronger every year. God planted this desire in me long ago. He let me know that I have hurt and gone through all that I have for a reason. To help youth and others hurting. After Jamie spoke tonight, I had the privilage of talking to him for a moment. The voice inside getting louder as I listened and becoming more inspired. I feel like Moses. "Who, me?? Are you sure you don't mean that other much more outgoing person over there?" Yes, my thoughts are heavy tonight but my heart is light. It feels lifted as though I finally feel at peace about my journey and excited about where it will take me. I started a study with the ladies at church recently. Part of the study included a board that had a verse or words of inspiration written on it. Each quiet time session, we were to write something that spoke to us on the back of the board. The point of why I am telling this is that the boards were wrapped. You didn't know what yours said until you picked one and opened it up. God works in awesome ways. I picked one out and on my way home from church, I opened it up. My board reads: "Here am I, send me". At the first study, I heard something and wrote it down on the back of my board. I wrote, "God will use you when you are willing." I want to make a difference in at least one young girl's life. I am not perfect. It's okay that I am not perfect. God doesn't need perfect. He can use my broken life. Not to mend someone else's broken life but to offer the connection. To offer hope and love. To show a young girl that God never meant for bad things to happen to her and that He loves her and wants to hold her and comfort her the way only He can do.

I noticed on Facebook tonight that my niece posted her status as "Love is the Movement. You best believe it! Thank you Mims (thats me!) for telling me about TWLOHA!"

I love my niece. She turns 13 this week. Getting ready to face a big cruel world. I will make a difference in her life. Hopefully I already have.

Sports, school and scattered schedules!

2009-03-03T23:35:00.004-06:00

This last weekend was our final tournament for basketball. The boys did awesome and we were the only 3rd grade team going into the tournament undefeated. We had to play three games Saturday and made it to the championship but lost by 3 points to Blue Ridge. The boys were a little disappointed but they had an awesome season and I can't wait to coach them next year! In fact, I found myself a little depressed Saturday evening that the season was actually over! We had our party on Sunday and Coach Joe and I took the boys to CiCi's for some pizza as well as roller skating! We all had a blast and it was a great weekend. I also had my last day at the ER on Friday so now I can concentrate on school and my kiddos again. Speaking of which, Thursday starts soccer for Reese and Friday is Ross's first baseball practice! Whew! Not sure if I updated last time but Bart will be coaching in Sherman instead of Leonard this year. Long story but it is for the better anyways. We are already enjoying the parents and the league much better. It is more organized and a little stricter on the parental and coaching rules which is nice.

On another note, I am going to brag on myself for a minute. It was hard for me to make the decision to go back to school. Not because of the lack of desire but for fear of not doing well, and trying to balance kids and home life as well. Most of all, the fact that I am in my 30's and most of my classmates are just out of high school! Well, I'm in my third semester now and have managed to maintain my 4.0 and also have been invited to the Phi Theta Kappa (National Honor Society). How cool is that? Then...I got a letter from UTD offering a transfer scholarship. What?? I am so glad I made this decision! I am also amazed that all the younger girls look up to me in class. It is such a blessing! Of course, most of the time they just want to copy my notes but it is still nice to be accepted after waiting all these years to go back! It has also become a sort of competition with me and Ross to keep his grades up. "If mom can do it, so can you!"

Anyways, continue to pray for my patience and sanity nevertheless as I press forward. I think I will even take a Summer class. Yes, I am a glutton for punishment. I actually just want to get in as much as I can so that I don't get the urge or temptation to quit. Although, I am pretty positive my kiddos wouldn't let that happen. They are so stinking awesome! Hope everyone's week is going well. I will try to keep everyone posted more often....really...I swear. Okay, I will try.

Just some long overdue updates!

2009-02-22T18:57:00.003-06:00

Again, I am faultering on my blogging as of late. I am overwhelmed with the time management of kids, school and sports. Not to mention my working every so often, although I did finally give my notice so that will give me some relief! We finished basketball with an undeafeted season and we will play in the final tournament this coming Saturday! I am so proud of all of the boys and the great job they all did playing as well as learning excellent sportsmanship with their team mates and other teams as well. I had a few of the boys over a week ago for a night of roller skating and sleep over. It was a lot of fun but this ol' gal was exhausted the next day! They all wanted me to take them "ding-dong ditching". I was afraid to ask but I finally did only to find out it was just the old trick of knocking on doors and running away before someone answered. I tried to tell them that was probably not the best idea on Valentine's night even though they didn't understand! They settled for snipe hunting with Bart whatever that is.

Next we have baseball for Ross and soccer for Reese! As if my head isn't already spinning. We have had a long ongoing inner struggle trying to decide to keep Ross in Leonard sports or go elsewhere. Oh the small town politics and I have about decided Leonard is far worse than Celina ever thought about being. Bart has had two winning seasons with little league baseball here in Leonard and we have endured quite a bit of turmoil without going into detail. So, when we learned that they went about choosing their coaches a little differently this season, it made our decision easier as to what to do. Bart will coach this season in the Sherman league. We have been wanting to put Ross in that league for some time so it wasn't anything new. They are a much bigger, more organized league with strict rules about who coaches as well as parental behavior. I am excited to see what the season brings! The only bad thing, is that I had already signed Reese up for soccer in Bonham before this all came about! So now I will be going to two different towns for sports and still work in school two nights a week as well! Whew! It will work out and will be good for the kids. I will just be sure to register Reese to play in Sherman in the fall!! (If I make it that long!)

So, here are some random snapshots of the kids since I haven't done my blogging duty lately. I will be sure to post some sports shots soon! Reese is a little humdinger of a player so I'm excited to see this! She can out run Ross's basketball team!

A Not so Prestige Membership

2009-02-04T09:00:00.008-06:00

I have become guilty of being a bad blogger and friend lately! I have an old friend from high school that I email on a weekly basis and they reminded me so politely yesterday that it has been *cough* 12 days! So, my sincerest apologies to all my friends and family for being such the recluse lately. I have good reason...I really do! First off, we have all been sick to some degree. It seems when I go awhile without working and then return to the ER, I bring EVERYTHING home. Even though I anti-bacterialize my whole body when leaving, the little virus bugs still sneak in my jacket or pocket only to be found by the ever so curious Vest children. Not to mention us older kids. So, we have been battling pneumonia with Reid, upper respiratory with Reese and the good ol' stomach bug for me.

All for good reasons I think, since I offered to work a little extra for a friend at work. A friend that at only 22 has just lost her mom in a horrible accident. I hope that through all of my negligence, I can at least be a friend to her right now, although, unfortunately I missed the memorial for her mom due to the stomach bug I was carrying around this week. I will get over the virus and be well in a few days but she will carry this for the rest of her life. Please pray for my friend as she is unfortunately inducted into what some of us refer to as "the club". The club is an unspoken organization for those of us who have lost a parent, or heaven forbid, both parents. The price of membership doesn't require currency, but a lifetime of regrets and questioning. My friend may not realize all that is ahead yet, and soon she will go to make "the phone call." The one to tell her mom about something her 2 yr old did that was so fascinating and when she picks up the phone, she will have a pain in her heart so deep as she remembers there will be noone on the other end. She will be angry for a while and that will be replaced with the deep sorrow that won't seem to go away. I pray that she will learn to lean on the One that understands what it is like to lose someone so precious. I pray that I can be there for her, a big sister in a sense, to help her through this. The ER is far from kind and understanding, but maybe I can prove that wrong. So please pray for my young friend. She is a young mom having just lost her main support and life line. Pray that I can be there for her and that my busy life can slow even just for a little while to help shelter some hurt. I am also so thankful through this, that even though I am "fatherless", I am fortunate to still have my mother...well, actually two of them. My natural mother that gave birth to me, of course, and my adoptive mother that takes the form of my older sister. Both of which I couldn't imagine life without. Life can change in an instant, and I see that everyday that I am at work. I know its kind of cheesy but the last couple weeks really has made me think more about the saying "Live every day like its your last". So, if its not too late to add to my New Year's resolutions, I am going to pin that one up. My friend told my boss after the memorial that she didn't want to be a part of this club anymore. I want to tell her, neither do I, but we will get through it. I want to tell her you never get over it but it does get better with each day. I will tell her that I love her and I am here for her. Despite school, family and basketball, I will make time for her so that she doesn't feel alone. Its the worst feeling and she doesn't deserve to go through that alone right now.

I hope everyone has a good week and go spend time with your parent or child. Give someone a much needed hug today and let them return the favor. Live today like its your last and love like you have never lost before.

Tigers! Tigers! Tigers! GRRRRRR!!

2009-01-23T21:44:00.007-06:00

So tomorrow is our third game so far this season and we are 2-0! Ross is doing awesome, as I knew he would, I mean he IS my child after all. Last week he drew two fouls and went to the line and made 1 of 2 both times. That is actually more like his Aunt Winnie. I have included some of the pictures of Ross's infamous shots adding to our ending score of 18-2 over the Celeste Blue Devils last week. Tomorrow we battle the Wolfe City Wolves. Tigers vs. Wolves. What a match up!

My sister helped me last week!

Obviously I am enjoying coaching a little too much but hey, he's only 9 once and then I have Reese and Reid! Seriously, it has been a nice break in my stressed schedule to hang out with the kids. Since classes started, I have something going every night of the week and alot of people would advise against taking on anything else such as coaching basketball. I, on the other hand, wouldn't have it any other way. I don't want my kids to remember me being too busy with school to not have time for them. Besides, baseball is just around the corner and then its Bart's turn!!

Proof that pregnant brain stays with you long after pregnancy

2009-01-15T23:03:00.003-06:00

Whoever used the phrase "pregnant brain" should've named it, once you become pregnant, get ready to lose your mind for the rest of your life! Oh, and also add the fact that it gets worse with each child long after giving birth.

So, I noticed Monday that my left foot was hurting just a bit. It had gotten to the point where I couldn't hardly bear any weight on it. My mind of course is filled with a jumbled mess of things such as basketball, class starting this week, laundry, Bart's schedule and well, you get the idea. I could not for the life of me remember what I did to hurt my foot! In the back of my mind I remember doing SOMETHING, I just don't know what, where or when. Every day it has continued to feel worse and become harder to walk on. I hobbled to basketball practice on Tuesday. Limped my way through classes on Wednesday. Today, I decided, hey, I better go get this checked out before working a 15 hour shift tomorrow. So, I run up to E-Care in McKinney. (great place by the way!!) My doctor does not have access to an Xray so this is where she told me to go. Way better than the E.R. and nice staff. Yes, they are paying me to advertise. So, apparently I probably have a hairline fracture in my foot. What the heck did I do??? So not only do I look like a total goofball walking around with one of those ugly blue velcro shoes and crutches, I sound like an idiot when trying to answer everyone's questions about what I did!! "What did you do?" "Yeah, about that...not so sure how I FRACTURED MY FOOT!" Seriously, I'm going to guess it had something to do with being a 32 year old grown woman on a trampoline with three kids. Or, better yet, dancing to Tobymac with said kids. On second thought, nah...couldn't be anything like that.

Is it that time already??

2009-01-11T19:54:00.005-06:00

I swore I was going to get so much done before the Spring semester started. Well, classes start tomorrow and do you think I really accomplished everything on my list? I did manage to read the books I wanted during the break and I'm actually about to finish one extra but that's about it! My house still looks the same. Unfinished paint job in the bedroom...Christmas decorations half taken down thanks to Bart's wonderful schedule...cluttered house and well, I could go on and on! I dread the cramped schedule ahead of me but it's all worth it, right? I was hoping to at least go to church today but it seems the kids have all been sick since we came back from our trip. Reid, bless his heart, has a double ear infection and an upper respiratory infection and now Ross is complaining about his ears! Reese has had the same viral respiratory infection for a couple weeks as well. Oh, and did I mention I feel like I'm coming down with something too?? It always seems like everything hits at once but after a couple of weeks it will settle down again. On the bright side of my busy schedule, we won our first basketball game yesterday! Ross did awesome and gave it all he had, even with having to guard a kid twice his size! Seeing all the boys come together make it worth while to give up some of my time to help coach! I meant to have Bart take some pictures at the game and forgot in the craziness of the first game, so next week I will try to do better in order to show off my boys!

So, wish me luck as I start a new semester this week. And each week brings us closer to returning to a normal schedule for Bart too! Hope everyone has a great week!

Ross's Glasses

2009-01-07T22:27:00.005-06:00

Well, after searching a few stores for a pair we both agreed on, we finally found some glasses at Wal-Mart. SpongeBob of course! (Thank goodness you can't see anything SpongeBob on the frame) Downside is, we won't have them for a few days so Ross is a little disappointed. I managed to get a picture of him on my phone and will post more when we have them in our possession!

Ross's Birthday

2009-01-06T21:27:00.003-06:00

Not much exciting happened today for Ross's 9th birthday. I got him up, dropped him off to school and then headed out to find the game he had been asking for. He had basketball practice tonight so we didn't get to plan too much and his first game is this Saturday so if there will be a party, it will be in a couple of weeks. It's hard to believe my big boy is nine years old! Seems like just yesterday I was a scared 23 year old wondering what in the world was going to happen to my life as I tried to prepare the best that I could for a little one. I couldn't imagine a better experience for a firstborn than what I had with Ross. He was a sweet baby and has grown up to be a sweet boy. Quite the little genius and a great big brother. Always wanting to please both me and Bart and so sensitive to others feelings.

I picked Reese up today and before I could get out of the parking lot, I noticed the school nurse had tried to call. I had Reese with me so I knew it must have something to do with Ross. I worried that maybe he was getting sick like the other two have been. Why hadn't they called me sooner though? I barely listened to the message and tried to call back up to the school. I drove slow in case I had to go in there to pick him up. When I finally reached "Nurse Nancy", I had to try to hold back the giggles. Ross isn't inheriting the cold from his siblings, he is inheriting his mother's eyesight! Yes, Ross has been having trouble seeing the chalkboards and the teacher sent him to the nurse only to find that he failed the vision test. I knew this day was coming but didn't quite expect it this soon. Happy Birthday Ross and welcome to the unfortunate world of bad vision. Your mother has it, your aunt has it, your mother's mother and father and, well, you get the idea. So, tomorrow morning, we will set out to find out just how bad it is for now. I'm hoping and praying he only needs glasses for school work at the moment. There is plenty of time for his eyes to get worse..believe me. I am very thankful that there are stylish frames out there now and that one of his good buddies wears glasses as well.

So, another year goes by for Ross and with it an unexpected milestone. I wore my glasses tonight and probably will tomorrow just to make him feel a little more at ease. He is actually excited. He said, "I get glasses for my birthday." Poor thing. Doesn't realize he has a full life of it ahead of him! Pictures coming soon!!

Skiing, Family and Yahtzee

2009-01-05T18:45:00.017-06:00

We got back last night from our family ski trip in Ruidoso, NM. The trip was nice and the drive wasn't bad for the most part. Going there, the kids did great. Reid was the one I was most worried about but he stayed pretty content most of the drive. Coming back seemed like a lot longer but we lost an hour coming back into Texas which made it that much harder! Luckily, my mom rode with us so we had an extra pair of hands to help with the kiddos!

This was the first ski trip to take with my side of the family and we all had a blast! The kids took to skiing like a fish takes to water and I can't wait to go again! Reese looked so cute in her skiing gear and she didn't want to leave the mountain. Ross did well, but tired easily, which we plan on working on that before next year. Its motivation for all of us! I didn't realize how out of shape I was until this week! I was sore in muscles I didn't even know I had anymore. We though Reid was still a little small but he probably could have hung with the best of them. If you notice in the pictures, he is right there the whole time! He also had us laughing because everytime someone would fall, he would start cracking up! What a wise guy he is!

We also celebrated Ross's birthday while we were all together. He turns 9 tomorrow!

And the kids made their gingerbread house! Of course, Reese ate quite a bit of the icing before it made it to the house to decorate.
Reid pretended to be a dog while we all played Yahtzee! I won, of course!!

The kids really enjoyed the snow and I wished it would've snowed while we were there but at

least they got to play in it and enjoy what was there. I also completed my goal of reading two books while I was gone. If you are a sports fan and haven't read Josh Hamilton's book "Beyond Belief", then it is a must! What an awesome testimony he has and I can't wait to get it signed when baseball season starts again!! I read it to Bart while we were gone and it was nice. Sometimes we sat on the back porch and read while the kids watched for deer.

It was a great trip and it brought our family a little closer, even Bart and I had some bonding time dispite our kids running around, thanks to Josh Hamilton! (and mom for buying it for me for Christmas!)

I hope everyone had a great Christmas holiday! I am glad to be back and can't wait to catch up with everyone. I will end tonight with my favorite picture taken this past week. :)

Getting Ready!

2008-12-30T14:28:00.004-06:00

I am busy today with my long "to do" list in order to leave tomorrow for New Mexico! I decided to take a quick break before moving on with my agenda and watch Veggie Tales with Reese and Reid! I am excited to go on a trip with my sister and her family. We have not done anything like this since we have been adults. (so needless to say a very long time!) We usually go on holiday vacations with Bart's family but this year, my sister organized this trip for our family including my mom. I am excited for my mom to see that area. She has only been east of Texas and never west. I hope that there is enough snow or that it at least snows while we are there for her to experience that. Reese is looking forward to her first venture at skiing. I promise to take plenty of pictures! The biggest excitement for me, though, is for Bart to be off work for a week!! The schedules have been hard on us the last couple of months so at least we get a small break! That's all I have for today. Pictures and details to follow in about a week! I will leave you with a few pictures of the kids jamming out to their new Tobymac DVD. Reese is a hoot!

Reese's First Crush

2008-12-28T22:37:00.005-06:00

Ahh..the joys of childhood. Games and friends, laughing and playing, oh and boyfriends. Yes, I said boyfriends at the ripe old age of 5. I mean, if she gets much older she would be an old maid, right? Reese is now sporting two necklaces by two different boys in her school. Not to mention the 2 others that refer to her as their girlfriend. Bart doesn't know what to think. I believe he may be a bit worried about what the future brings if our innocent sweet little girl is already showing signs of boy craziness. Me? Not near as worried. Why? Well, about 28 years ago, there was another little girl that looked quite a bit like Reese that always had a boy on each arm. I managed to pick a good one so I am not the least bit worried. In fact, deep down I giggle at the fact that the similarities are almost identical. Reese has plenty of school boys vying for her attention already but its her latest interest that has me a little giggly. She is experiencing her first crush and it is oh so adorable. The target of this affection? Well, it comes in the form of a 21 year old firefighter that works part time with Bart in Van Alstyne. I guess she is already aiming for the firemen like her mom did. Luckily, he is a sweet kid and is great with them when we visit the station. Especially sweet to deal with a 5 yr old telling him she loves him and wanting to kiss him on the cheek. Anyways, here are some pictures of Reese with her much older boyfriend, Brendon.

Live, Laugh and Love!

2008-12-18T22:36:00.004-06:00

I can hardly believe that Christmas is just a week away! How crazy is that? I don't think it has sunk in with me yet. I haven't even taken the kiddos to see Santa. What kind of mother am I? Well, okay, so the kind that has been doing things on her own for the past couple of months!

I am so thankful for so many things though as I think about the holidays and spending time with those I love. I am thankful that God blessed me with such a beautiful family. Ross is my sweet boy. So sensitive to others' feelings. So intelligent. Reese is my drama girl. She is so creative and so full of life and excitement especially around this time of year. She is a lot like Bart's grandmother that passed away a few years ago. She literally lights up this time of year, just like Nani did. Reid is my mischievous 100% boy that loves to laugh. My cup overflows each day that I am blessed to spend with all of them. I am also glad to have gotten the opportunity to reconnect with some old friends this year. Facebook rocks for just that purpose! I forgot about all the friends I had in the past! I am also missing my best friends terribly and this is the longest I have ever gone without seeing them. For those that are new to my world, my best friends are from Ireland, here on work visa so they get moved around a lot. They are currently in the San Francisco area and have been for a few years now. Their oldest son, Iosaf is my godson. I haven't seen him since his baby brother was born in March of '07!! It has just gotten harder and harder for me to fly out there. Hopefully soon! In the meantime, I am meeting some new friends! I am so thankful for finally having peace about a church home and to be surrounded by such a good group of gals!

The downside of this time of year is, of course, missing my dad. I get a little sad at the fact that he never got to see Reid. He really didn't know Reese and Ross doesn't remember him much other than what I tell him. I feel like a piece of my heart died with him a few years ago. It has taken me a while to feel comfortable with letting anyone in but I figured its time to work on that. So, my goal this holiday season is to literally Live, Laugh and Love. Live in the moments that God is giving me. Laugh with my kids and Love like I have never lost anyone. After all, I wouldn't be the person I am today if not for all of those handprints on my life. Buying a real Christmas tree was my first step this year. I haven't had one in so many years. It just smelled like Christmas again. I forgot what that was like. Sometimes it does hurt to open your heart up again after a while. We just have to take the leap of faith and know that when our hearts break and when we start to fall, God is there waiting to hold us for a while until we feel like we are ready to try again. Before Mercy Me had a big record label, their first album had a song on it called "Sit with You". Yes, I know, this is going to hurt my rocker chick reputation but I do have a soft side. I felt like posting the lyrics because this is what's on my heart tonight. Sometimes, we just need to sit with Jesus. Let him hold us in his arms as if we were children again. I'm thankful this holiday season that even though both my earthly fathers are no longer here, I have a heavenly Father who is always ready and willing to listen to me, to sit with me and to hold me just a while longer.

When I can not feel
When my wounds don't heal
Lord I humbly kneel
Hidden in You
Lord you are my life
So I don't mind to die
Just as long as I
Am hidden in You
Cause If I could just sit with You awhile
You could just hold me
Nothing can touch me though I'm wounded though I've died
If I could just sit with You awhile
I'd need You to hold me
Moment by moment 'til forever passes by
When I can not feel
When my wounds don't heal
Lord I humbly kneel
Hidden in You
Lord You are my life
So I don't mind to die
Just as long as I
Am hidden in You
If I could just sit with You awhile
If You could just hold me
Nothing can touch me though i'm wounded though i've died
If I could just sit with You awhile
I'd need You to hold me
Moment by moment 'til forever passes by

It Figures

2008-12-16T16:13:00.011-06:00

I started out this week a little sour. We had a very busy but equally awesome Sunday. For one, we were all together instead of just me and the kids. We heard a great sermon and also finally felt unified and at peace in our decision for a church. Then, we had a great time visiting Bart's family for one of many Christmases. Finally, for the big finale of the day, we were off to Winter Wonder Slam to rock out to Tobymac, Relient K and Family Force 5. Granted, I was exhausted before we ever made it to the concert but this was Reese's first time to see Tobymac, unlike Ross's 3rd. She was so excited! After Family Force 5 played, she fell in love with them. They sing one of her favorite songs, "Luv Addict". We went down to see if they had youth sizes in their shirts but of course they didn't. She then decides she wants a bandana to wear as a do-rag. She was so stinkin' adorable I can't put it into words. The picture is a little dark because all I had was my phone and the concert was dark anyhow but maybe you can catch a glimpse of her overflowing cuteness.

She finally crashed on me halfway through Tobymac and I realized it was 11:00!

Well, it was also about this time that I found out Bart had decided to change shifts with someone and be off Friday instead of Tuesday. He has been working double shifts, one full one for Frisco,his full time department and one full shift for Van Alstyne to help cover for someone out on medical leave. So he is gone 48 hours and home for 24. It has been wearing on me so much. I stay tired and a little stressed, especially with the holidays and trying to shop and figure things out on my own. He was suppose to take Tuesday off from Van Alstyne and be off a couple of days. I was so excited and that's all I could think of Sunday is that after Monday, I would have him to myself for two whole days! Yeah, so we are sitting at the concert and he gets a text and he says "great! I get Friday instead of Tuesday off!" I'm thinking..what?? I was so bummed. I know that I will still have my two days with him after a few more days but I so needed it today. My shopping isn't done. I have Christmas parties for the kids on Friday and my mom's birthday. I know when Friday comes though, I will be glad he did it. I just need to make it through the next few days and keep telling myself that!! I guess on the bright side of things, I woke up feeling very sick today with an awful sinus infection and monster headache to go with it. If Bart were home, he would have been a great help with the kids but also we would've spent the day with me in bed feeling awful and not being able to enjoy him being home. So, everything works out the way it should. My house has paid for it today but that's an easy fix and I'm so not going to think about it today. Rest, take care of the kids and look forward to Friday AND Saturday. On a side note..I just heard Reese refer to herself as "hot".

So this is how you get kids to pick up toys!

2008-12-13T00:26:00.002-06:00

After a busy week of trying to get some Christmas shopping in, I decided that after I picked up kids from school today, I was not going to do a thing! Well, most moms know that deciding to not do a thing still means doing laundry, some dishes and cleaning up after kids...just no heavy cleaning, right? I finally got this semester behind me and felt like I needed some down time. Reid is great about pulling out every single toy he owns and dragging it into the living room so I can "watch" him play with all of them. The hard part is trying to get him to pick up after himself. I know he is only 2 but he is at the perfect age to learn. It doesn't help that his big brother and sister are not exactly the perfect role models. I even tried the whole responsibility chart idea and it lasted a total of 2 or 3 days so there goes that. Today I had an epiphany! Reid loves riding his big wheel in the house. Yes, I let him do this especially right now with it being cold and its actually hard for him to ride it much outside since we live on a white rock road in the country. Well, Reid also has a little wagon he hauls his toys around in...so....can you guess where I am going with this?? I make his wagon a trailer to pull behind the big wheel. He then proceeds to drive it around the house picking up his stuff to haul. How genius am I today?? Big Wheel-$20, Wagon-$10, watching your 2 yr old drive it around picking up after himself-priceless!! I wonder if I can teach him to pick up the dirty dishes and clothes now?

Gearing up for Christmas!

2008-12-10T09:15:00.004-06:00

My kids got up this morning with the hopes that there would be snow on the ground but all we had was a little bit on the bushes and the roof. I tried to prepare Reese last night for the disappointment that is Texas weather. She is our Christmas girl. Always bright-eyed and in wonderment about all that is Christmas. When it began to snow last night, she exclaimed, "Its a miracle!". It was quite amusing. I can't wait to go to New Mexico after Christmas so that she can see REAL snow! She is also the only one willing to put in the hours to decorate the enormous tree that they picked out. We decided to go with a real tree this year despite allergies. So, we went to Denison to a tree farm where you pick your own and cut it down. The kids loved it. Well, after Ross got over the tragedy of cutting down a living tree. I had to explain to him that they do, in fact, plant one to replace it. He is such the environmentalist. At the tree farm, we take a hayride out to where all the trees are planted. There are trees ranging from Charlie Brown size up to 20 feet or more. We wanted somewhere in the middle. The kids picked one out and we thought it was a good size. I mean, it looked tiny compared to some of the other trees and we would be cutting some of the height off right? We all helped in cutting it down. (i.e. Bart cut it and we scraped at the bark) They put the net around it and tied it down for us. We were so proud of our tree. Reese was beside herself. It smelled like Christmas. It smelled like childhood. We get home and start dragging it inside. I'm like, um Bart, I think its a little bigger than we anticipated. Keep in mind that it still has the net on it at this point. We drag it into the office and place it in the stand. It is now dragging the ceiling. I decide I will cut some off the top. Then we start cutting the net off. Yeah. I don't know how we made it out of the office. If Ross wants on the computer, he has to hike through the forest of tree to get to his desk. I actually cut some of the branches to make a path and brought out the ladder to aid in the decorating. I was searching for the epipen by the time Reese and I completed our project. She kept asking me what was wrong and I didn't have the heart to tell her the tree was slowly killing me, while I gasp for a breath. It was huge and it definitely overpowers our little office, but it is the most beautiful tree anyone has ever picked out. I just don't want to think about how in the world we will get it OUT of our house.